Remembering the good...

This will be my first Christmas without my dad. It will be okay. I just wish I could give him one more hug. It would be a HUGE one. It would probably break his little 115# frame if he were still here. In remembering good things, the couple years prior to his passing, he would call me on every "holiday" to wish me a happy one. It wouldn't matter if it was St. Patrick's Day or Mardi Gras. He was funny that way. He also called me every year the day before mom's birthday to make sure I didn't forget it. What a sweet thing to do. I know that my dad never stopped thinking warmly of my mom and that was a true testament of his love. He lived a very unconventional life, but that's what made him happy. He made friends wherever he went. Not just a few friends, but a pack of friends. I always thought that was so cool. This feeling of being without a parent is kind of hollow. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something but can't exactly pin-point what it is. When life is quiet and things are settled in my mind, I'm allowed the opportunity to reflect on the feeling and realize what it is.

I thought I could write this w/out getting emotional. Not exactly. I guess emotionally things are still unsettled. I had to put the pain on the back burner so that I could trudge through the everyday events of life, including work. This type of pain is overwhelming at times so I guess it's natural to want to push it away for awhile. Ya gotta know that it's gonna rear its ugly head at the most unexpected times.

Well, Merry Christmas Dad, wherever you are. I hope you can see and feel how much I miss you. I have a really great picture of us that I will post soon. You are wearing docker pants and a dress shirt. You couldn't wait to get out of those clothes and back into your overalls. It meant a lot to me that you dressed up at my request. Jason is now asking for the picture. :)